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Right, so imagine this: You’re sitting on your couch, minding your own business, maybe scrolling through your phone, and then WHAM! A spaceship lands right in your backyard, and out steps an alien. Now, don’t panic. It’s not like you’ve been expecting an intergalactic visitor, but hey, this is New Zealand, anything’s possible (we did just have a giant squid washing up on a beach last year, remember?).
But here’s the kicker—what do you gift an alien who’s clearly come to check out life on Earth? Sure, you could offer them a cup of tea (it’s New Zealand, that’s our go-to), but let’s face it, tea probably doesn’t translate well in intergalactic communication. So, let’s get creative! We’re talking about the ultimate alien gift guide—one that would make even the most sceptical of extraterrestrials feel at home. Grab your jandals and let's get into it!
1. A Classic Kiwi Jandal Collection
First things first: If an alien's landing on Earth, they’ve gotta understand the importance of jandals. These trusty flip-flops are pretty much a national treasure. From the beaches of Piha to the footpaths of Wellington, jandals are a Kiwi’s best friend.
Not only are they perfect for a casual stroll around the whenua (land), but they also have some practical benefits. Slip them off quickly when you’ve just stepped in a puddle of mud at the bach, or wear them to a barbecue at your mate’s place. Plus, they’re incredibly easy to pack—ideal for those long-haul flights across galaxies.
For your alien friend, you can go all out with a variety of colours: classic black for when they want to blend in, neon pink for when they want to stand out, or perhaps a set with sheep print to really feel like they’ve stepped into the true Kiwi experience. Maybe throw in a pair with the word “Chur” on the straps. Trust us, they'll get it.
Pro Tip: Make sure the jandals are non-slip. We don’t want our alien friend to take a nosedive in front of the whānau.
2. A 100% Wool Kiwi Blanket
We’ve all got one: that thick wool blanket that’s never far from reach, especially during the cold, southerly winds that whip through the country. It’s a Kiwi thing, and any alien who’s going to be staying on Earth needs to understand the warm embrace of a proper New Zealand wool blanket.
Now, I’m not talking about those flimsy throws you get from Kmart. No, this is pure Kiwi wool, fresh from a sheep that’s probably been living its best life on some farm in Otago. It’s soft, snugly, and just the right level of warmth for those chilly nights, whether you’re camping in the back of beyond or chilling in front of a fire with a flat white in hand.
Gifting this to an alien? It’s like saying, “Welcome to Earth, mate. Here’s some top-notch sheep-made luxury.” They’ll likely be impressed with your understanding of how to keep things cosy. And who knows, they might even want to trade you some galactic fabric for your wool! A fleece exchange?
3. A Pack of Tim Tams
You can’t go wrong with a pack of Tim Tams. But if you really want to make your alien feel welcome, throw in a packet of the classic Tim Tam Slam biscuits and give them the lowdown on how it works. For those of you living under a rock (or in another galaxy), the Tim Tam Slam is a sacred Kiwi tradition where you bite off the ends of a Tim Tam, dip it in your hot drink, and suck it through like a straw. It’s messy. It’s glorious. And your alien will either love it or think you’re completely nuts—but either way, it’s an experience they’ll never forget.
Bonus points if you teach them the art of dunking at a Kiwi BBQ. Just be prepared for the potential confusion when they try to suck hot coffee through a biscuit… they might accidentally activate some sort of alien energy weapon. We can’t be sure.
4. The ‘Kiwi BBQ Starter Pack’
No Kiwi BBQ is complete without a few key elements: sausages, lamb, and a dash of tomato sauce (it’s the Kiwi way!). If you want your alien to feel right at home, you’ve got to gift them the ultimate “Kiwi BBQ Starter Pack.” You’ve got the essentials:
- A pack of fresh sausages (hopefully from the local butcher, because we all know the ones from the supermarket don’t quite hit the same).
- A bottle of Wattie’s Tomato Sauce because it’s practically a national treasure.
- A set of wooden skewers for the veggies (though, we all know the alien is probably more interested in the sausages).
This will have your alien friend at least understanding 10% of the Kiwi spirit. Next, teach them how to use a BBQ, which is basically a right of passage for any New Zealander. You might also want to teach them the ‘don’t overcook the sausages’ rule, or things could get awkward.
5. A ‘Cultural Exchange’ Gift: A Kiwi Sheep Figurine
Because nothing says “Welcome to Earth” like a gift that screams “I’m embracing your culture” while also subtly reminding you of sheep. Gifting your alien friend a Kiwi sheep figurine might seem odd, but let’s be real, it’s one of those things that’ll either confuse them or amuse them—and we’re here for it.
And don’t just go for any old sheep! You need the one dressed in traditional Kiwi garb—perhaps a tiny sheep in a Hobbit costume holding a Tui beer. You’re welcome, New Zealand tourism. The alien might be like, “What is this?” and you can proudly say, “It’s how we roll here on Earth, especially in the shires.”
6. A Drone (So They Can Check Out Our Amazing Scenery)
OK, let’s face it: Aliens are likely here because they’ve heard about our beautiful landscapes. So why not offer them a drone? A Kiwi-themed drone, obviously, that’s ready to explore our stunning scenery. Whether it’s flying over the beaches of Abel Tasman, cruising over the rolling hills of Waiheke Island, or swooping through the rugged mountains of the Southern Alps, this drone will give your alien a bird’s-eye view of some of the most breathtaking places on Earth.
Plus, if they’re here for the long haul, they’ll need something to do while you’re off at work.
7. A ‘What to Do in NZ’ Guide
Your alien might be wondering, “What do we do here?” Don’t leave them hanging! Hand them a Kiwi travel guide and show them all the best spots to visit—without being too pushy about it. Recommend Hobbiton, of course. Suggest Rotorua’s hot springs, maybe even point them toward the best local fish and chips shop. If you’re really trying to make them feel welcome, let them know about the sacred Kiwi art of collecting paua shells and how it’s a perfectly acceptable souvenir. (Aliens might appreciate the beautiful iridescence).
Gifting to Your Alien: Kiwis Do It Best
So there you have it. If an alien ever decides to pop by your backyard, you’re more than equipped to make them feel right at home. Whether it’s a quirky Kiwi blanket, a Tim Tam Slam, or a BBQ starter pack, you’ve got everything you need to make a stellar first impression. After all, this is New Zealand—the land where the weird, wonderful, and downright wacky are always welcome.
Now go ahead, break out your jandals, grab your Tim Tams, and get ready to make history. The aliens will thank you—probably with their own kind of intergalactic high five. Just be ready for the sheep figurines to start talking.